just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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