WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
