he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
