my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
