btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
