The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
