So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
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