Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
