Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
