i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
