I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
