remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
