You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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