I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
