Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
