There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm bleeding and have questions
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
