Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
