In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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