i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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