Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
