Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
