so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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