my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
