I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
