you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Randomize
