how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
