Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
