my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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