There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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