I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
