I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
