they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
