1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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