i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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