Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we're making bets on your personal life
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
