As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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