why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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