Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
