when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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