So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
