Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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