I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
