I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
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