i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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