i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
