You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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