she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
