honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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