Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
