I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
