Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
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