FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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