She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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