I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
