I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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