If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Randomize
