Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
