I'm lost and stupid without you.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
