finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's never too late to be topless.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize