Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
