I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
