I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
