Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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