one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
