Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
