glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
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