dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
