I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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