But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
