There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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