the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
